Appendices
Appendix A : SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT BY AGE
Appendix B: Body Safety Books For Children
Below you will find some developmentally appropriate books to support conversations on body safety. The North Dakota Child Sexual Abuse Prevention Task Force does not endorse any specific books.
AGES 0-3
Title: A Hug
Author: Nicola Manton
This book starts teaching children consent by relating it to hugs. The book discusses the enjoyment of hugs from a variety of people in different circumstances, but also teaches children they have the power to say no to a hug that is not wanted.
Title: My Body is Special and Private
Author: Adrianne Simeon
With only 10 pages, this book covers the basics of body safety for young readers to understand. This book teaches body ownership, the correct names for body parts, rules surrounding private parts, and talking to adults when rules are broken.
AGES 4-7
Title: Let’s Talk about Body Boundaries, Consent & Respect
Author: Jayneen Sanders
This book not only talks about body ownership of each child but also respecting the personal space of others as well. It provides scenarios for discussions that caregivers can have with their child.
Title: It’s Not the Stork! A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends
Author: Robie Harris
This book presents age-appropriate information about bodies and sexual development and is presented in a fun, easy-to-understand way for children.
Title: I Choose to Say No
Author: Elizabeth Estrada
The author uses rhyming and engaging illustrations to teach children about private parts, their own circle of trust, and warning signs to look out for. This book was developed with input from therapists and parents to use as another tool for social-emotional learning.
AGES 8+
Title: The Girl’s Body Book
Author: Kelli Dunham
You can use this book as a guide to help preteen girls deal with puberty, body changes, personal boundaries, and more. Throughout the book there are tips that girls can use to support a happy and healthy environment.
Title: The Boy’s Body Book
Author: Kelli Dunham
This book can be used to help teach young preteen boys about body changes, puberty, self-confidence and boundaries, among other topics. The concepts in this book are used to help create a healthy environment surr
Appendix C: Body Safety Poster
Appendix D: Conversation Cards
Appendix E: Internet Safety Pledge
Appendix F: Playdate And Sleepover Safety
Deciding when your child is ready to be on their own at someone’s house and whether that environment is a safe place for your child can be a challenging decision. As caregivers, we know that it is our responsibility to make sure children are staying safe in these scenarios. If your child is going on a playdate, sleeping over at a friend’s or relative’s house, or away from you for any other reason, there are questions you may consider asking the caregiver your child will be with.
Our guide focuses on sexual abuse prevention; however, there are several questions you will want to ask that relate to your child’s safety, including if there are firearms in the home, fire safety elements present in the home, accessibility to alcohol, if there is a swimming pool, etc.
Although it may be uncomfortable, it is important to ask safety questions to the caregivers who will be caring for your child during the sleepover or playdate.
1. WILL THE CHILDREN BE LEFT AT HOME ALONE FOR ANY PERIOD?
Some caregivers feel comfortable leaving their children at home for any length of time alone, and that may differ from what you feel comfortable with. It is best to be direct and ask the caregiver before leaving your child. You may not want your 10-year-old left alone for any amount of time, but their friend’s parents may do that on a regular basis.
2. WHO ELSE WILL BE IN THE HOME?
As we’ve discussed in this guide, a child is more often sexually abused by someone they know very well. It is still highly important to ensure you feel completely comfortable with whichever adults are in the home before leaving your child. Is an uncle visiting that will be with the kids unsupervised for a few hours? Will an older child be home from college? Know the details to ensure your child’s safety.
3. WHAT TECHNOLOGY IS ACCESSIBLE IN THE HOME, AND WHAT DOES THE CAREGIVER ALLOW THEIR CHILD TO ACCESS ONLINE?
You may greatly limit the types of movies, apps, and online games your child is allowed to view, but not all parents have the same values and rules.
4. IF YOUR CHILD IS SLEEPING OVER, YOU WILL WANT TO ASK WHAT THE PLANNED SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS WILL BE.
Caregiver comfort varies widely. Some caregivers may allow their children to sleep in the camper parked in the driveway or a tent in the yard. It’s important to ask and ensure you and your child are comfortable with the planned arrangements.
5. CAN YOUR CHILD CALL YOU AT ANY TIME AND CAN YOU TALK WITH YOUR CHILD PRIOR TO BEDTIME?
You can ask if your child may use their phone to call you. This would be a great time to let the caregiver know that you plan to call your child before bedtime to check in.
Don’t forget to revisit body safety rules with your child prior to the playdate or sleepover. Tell the child they can ask to use the phone of the caregiver to call you.
If you are uncomfortable with sending your child to a playdate or sleepover, it’s OK to say no. You can also plan an alternative activity like meeting at a park and letting the children play or plan a sleep-under (the child can go play until bedtime and you will pick them up).
Appendix G: Considerations For Schools, Child Care Providers/Programs, And Youth-Serving Organizations
One item to consider sharing with your school, child care provider/program, or youth-serving organization is the North Dakota Child Sexual Abuse Prevention Resource Guide. The Resource Guide was created to ensure safe policies and procedures in those types of settings. The Resource Guide can be found on www.ndstopcsa.com or if you’d like a physical copy to share with an organization, you can reach out to lburkhardt@pcand.org.
It is important that the school, child care provider/program, or youth-serving organization ensures that even temporary staff and volunteers are aware of the safety policies and the protocol for reporting any concerns and allegations. Some organizations even provide training to parents and other caregivers because they know the importance of knowledgeable adults in keeping children safe. Adult training is available in our state. To inquire about available trainings, contact: lburkhardt@pcand.org
DOES THE SCHOOL, CHILD CARE PROVIDER/PROGRAM OR YOUTH SERVING ORGANIZATION …
Focus on child safety? Does the facility have a statement confirming their commitment to protecting children and teens from sexual abuse? Do they remind employees, volunteers, and families of commitment often?
Thoroughly vet employees and volunteers? This is the organization’s opportunity to ensure they are doing everything in their power to put safe adults around your child/teen. Below are common elements of a comprehensive screening and hiring process: Written application and cover letter, face-to-face interview, internet search of applicant (Google, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter), observation of the applicant interacting with children, reference checks (request professional and personal references), criminal history check, sex offender registry check, child abuse registry check (CAN), professional credentials, and driving record check (if the person will transport children/teens).
Have a code of conduct? A code of conduct is a tool to establish the appropriate types of interactions that take place at a school, child care provider/program, or youth-serving organization. This should include what is expected from anyone (employees/volunteers) in a position of responsibility to care for or supervise children. Things you may look for on a code of conduct:
• Boundaries of physical, sexual, and verbal behavior
° Encouraged vs. prohibited behaviors and interactions
° Appropriate, inappropriate, and harmful behaviors
• Bullying, harassment, and discrimination
• Employee-to-child ratios to remain in compliance with licensing standards
• Guidance about being alone with children
• Awareness of power differentials and abuse of power
• Technology use: communication with children using electronic devices and social media, photography of children within the organization with personal devices
• Compliance with the policies and procedures of the organization and North Dakota’s child abuse reporting laws
Implement child sexual abuse prevention education programs for employees and volunteers?
Provide education to students on child sexual abuse prevention strategies?
Have increased monitoring of adult-child and child-child interactions and ensure environments are safe?
• Child sexual abuse often takes place during isolated, one-on-one situations. It’s important the organization ensures that interactions with children and teens can be observed and easily interrupted.
Appendix H: Talking About Consent And Body Safety
Caregivers should feel comfortable and confident talking with people who interact with their children about consent and body safety rules. It can be difficult to find the words to use while having these important conversations. Whether you’re talking with a coach, a youth group leader, or a swim instructor, we want to help give you language to use to have these imperative conversations with anyone your child is around.
First, you can explain that you teach and practice body safety, boundaries, and consent with your child. You can also explain that you are having these conversations with all the adults in your child’s life.
1) Share what your body safety rules are. You may even show them the poster found on page 21.
2) Explain that you teach your child they are in charge of their body. You can reference the content found in the Keeping Kids Safe section of this guide.
a. Your child has been taught that they have a right to have boundaries around their personal space and body.
b. Your child should not be forced to give hugs or kisses.
3) Explain that it is important your child is asked permission before they are touched — whether it’s by a doctor, swim instructor, coach, etc. The adult should let them know what they need to do and why they need to do it.
Appendix I: What To Do If A Child Discloses Abuse
A disclosure is when a child tells someone that he or she has been abused. It can be a very difficult and scary process for a child and the adult they disclose the information to.
Here are the biggest things to remember if a child discloses or you suspect a child is being abused:
Listen carefully and stay calm. It is important to remain calm in speaking to a child who may have been sexually abused. Be patient and focus on what you’re being told by the child. Try not to express your own feelings or views and avoid appearing upset. If you appear shocked, ask too many questions, or act as if you don’t believe them, it could make them stop talking and take back what they’ve said.
Tell them it’s not their fault and reassure them that they did the right thing by telling you. Reassurance can make a big impact. Abuse is never a child’s fault. It’s important they hear and know this.
Explain what you’ll do next. For younger children, you can tell them you are going to speak with someone who will help. And for older children/teens, explain that you are going to file a report with someone who can help.
Next, report what the child has told you as soon as possible.
A FEW THINGS NOT TO DO:
• Don’t confront the alleged abuser.
• Don’t make promises to the child like: “I’ll make sure you never have to see _____ again!”
• Don’t interrogate the child by asking many questions.
• It is not your job to determine whether abuse has occurred. Your job is to simply gather the information and make the report.
• Don’t discount what the child is telling you by saying things like, “That doesn’t sound like something _____ would do!” or “Are you sure? That can’t be true!” This may cause the child to recant their disclosure and feel as though they’ve done something wrong.
HOW TO MAKE A REPORT IN NORTH DAKOTA:
• To make a report, call the statewide toll-free Child Abuse & Neglect Reporting Line at 1-833-958-3500, between 8 a.m.-5 p.m. (CT)
• A team of specialized child protection intake professionals will answer the call and gather all needed facts so the local CPS workers in the human service zone can act more quickly to protect the child.
• If it’s an emergency and the child is in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.
If you have suspicion that a child is being abused, it is important that you do your part to keep that child safe and make a report in good faith. Making a report in good faith means the person reporting believes the information he/she is providing is true to the best of his or her knowledge.
It’s important to also note that intentional false reporting has consequences. Any person who willfully or intentionally makes a false report of child abuse or neglect may face legal penalties, including a Class B Misdemeanor.